


Blind, confused and alive.

by Mace_fluff_button



Category: Spacedogs - Fandom
Genre: Aspergers, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Blind Character, Disabled Characters, F/M, Google translate Romanian, M/M, Soz, blind Nigle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-01-16 14:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12344205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mace_fluff_button/pseuds/Mace_fluff_button
Summary: Nigel doesn't know too much about himself, besides what he's been told from his childhood friend. Due to an accident that not only left him blind; He can no longer remember his life before it. Now living blind and confused in the busy city of Manhattan, Nigel rediscovers himself all over agin, while falling in love with the little space enthusiast in 16B.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I was originally working on code red and other anomalies, but I'm horrible with fallowing through on what I say I'm going to do. I decided to wait on making the mini series of one shots till I finished code red, I'll also likely mix it up with one shots from this AU as well. Code red will be updating soon.

His name is Nigel; He is of Romanian descent; He is recently divorced, And he suffers from a head injury that took away a large portion of his memory, as well as his sight.  
These are things Nigel must remind himself everyday. He has small bits and Scraps of his life before the injury, but it isn't enough to really make him familiar with the man he used to be. He knows who he is now; a blind, forty something Romanian man, who is currently lost in The middle of Manhattan. 

Stumbling between the hoard of strangers walking through the streets, Nigel is internally cursing himself for thinking he was capable of a simple cigarette run.  
He doesn't Know how he even made it this far into the city. He's been blind for six months. He knows his apartment and the next three block to the liquor store, like the back of his hand, but he was feeling ambitious and decided to explore the city past the safety of the three blocks he knew. Now, he has no idea where he is. 

Cane in hand Nigel taps around the side walk, or is this gravel?  
The first time he had to use this damn thing, he felt like an idiot, but now it's his best fucking friend, well it and Darko, but Darko is off to fuck knows where with his wife. It's just him and his cane today, and he will find his way home, even if it kills him.  
Nigel Tapped his way past disgruntled strangers and their ablest slurs. He was able to cut straight through the onslaught of human traffic, and into an area with less inhabitants. His cane came into contact with a softer substance beneath it. The scuffle noise it usually made with concrete ,was no longer present and if he focused he could feel the damp squish of the dirt. Figuring he was most likely in a park, Nigel continued on. This time, in search of a bench to rest at till he finally sucked it up and called Darko. 

"Do you need help? My father always told me to help those who might need some assistance, even if they are strangers" He just so happened to find a bench, that was already occupied. Nigel did not like the way his luck was heading. 

"He also told me to always ask first, so I would like to be certain if you needed help" Nigel turned his head to the source of the voice. It was monotone and deep enough to indicate that it was a man speaking to him. 

"Sorry buddy, but I'm not in that much dire need for you to go practicing your whole Good Samaritan act you got going on." He didn't get an immediate response after that, so he figured the guy buggered off. 

"I don't quite understand what you mean, I'm not acting and my name isn't buddy, it's Adam, Adam Raki" Of course, this guy seemed to be the type that couldn't catch a clue. 

"Look, I don't need any help", "I just needed to take a bit of a rest and I didn't know someone els was sitting here, so I'm sorry if I disturbed your, whatever it is you were doing on the bench". Being asked about his current activities seemed to trigger a complete one eighty from the man sitting next to him. 

"I was stargazing, with my telescope the Virgo constellation is visible over this part of the United States, the Leo constellation is also in perfect alignment with the northern hemisphere, and-" Nigel definitely was not expecting that amount of zeal from such a, previously monotonous sounding man. 

"Hay, woah I get it you like space stuff, but like I said before, I don't need help I just have to call a friend" Nigel felt around in his pockets to go ahead and get it over with, but his search was futile. He had left it in his apartment. He had his wallet, his keys, but no phone. 

"For fuck sakes!" Nigel couldn't catch a break today. The man on the bench startled at his outburst, but he wasn't in the frame of mind to care about that. He had no phone, no way of contacting the only person he trusted to get him home. Heaving a sigh, Nigel ran a hand trough his hair. He knew, In the end that's what this all comes down to, trust. 

Nigel is so much more vulnerable then he ever had been. Blind, confused and horribly disoriented; Nigel can't just trust and hope for the best. It would get him killed. He knows, even in an overly populated area such as Manhattan, he would be an easy target. The paranoia made him nauseous at times. 

He really had no other choice, but to trust the kindness of this total stranger. Nigel turned to the man on the bench, what did he say his name was? Hesitantly, he tried out the name his gut was telling him to go with "Uh, Adam right?" 

Nigel hopes he was right, his long term memory had been obliterated to shit and his short term wasn't all that great either. Luckily it was a simple enough name that Nigel could trust himself to keep locked away, in his now partially empty memory bank. 

"No, it's Adam Raki" it sounded like a lame dad joke, but was presented so matter of fact, that it actually got a laugh out of him.

"Ok, Adam Raki, can I use your phone real quick to call a friend?" This Adam guy was strange, Nigel caught on to that fairly easily, but he supposed he was strange as well, Or whatever it was they called it in the states. 

"Yes, you may use my phone" He felt the object being set into his open palm. Perplexed; Nigel thought at least the cane, would have given away that he may need a bit more then that. 

"One more thing Adam, I actually need you to go ahead and type in the number I tell you " Adam didn't ask any questions and simply proceeded to follow direction.  
Phone, now back in his hand with the dialing tone ringing out of it, Nigel waited patiently for Darko to pick up.  
"Alo,cine este acesta?"  
(Hello, who is this?) 

"im într-un parc, vin sa-mi"  
(I'm in a park, come get me) 

"Nigel? ce vrei sa spui un parc?"  
(Nigel? What do you mean your in a park?) 

"Adica eu sunt într-un parc şi i cant a lua acasă. Deci, vin sa-mi." (I mean, I'm in a park so come get me!)

"ID-ul veni sa te, dacă aş putea, dar eu cant." (I would if I could, but I can't) 

"de ce nu?"  
( why not?) 

"im din oraş cu florin, am crezut că ţi-am spus în această dimineaţă." (I'm out of town with felicity, I thought I told you that) 

"dracului dracu ', ce să am să fac? sunati un taxi?" (Fucking hell, what do I do now, call a taxi?!) 

"Da."(yes)  
That was the end of their conversation; It achieved nothing. Nigel was still stuck in the park and still blind and still old and lonely and-  
"sir, are you still needing to use my phone, it's almost time for me to eat dinner and I need to be home soon" 

does this guy seriously have a curfew? Whatever it doesn't matter, Nigel had run out of resources, and now he was going to have to take a leap of faith and once again, trust this Adam guy, would maybe be willing to help him home. 

"Yeah, uh no I'm done with it, you can have it back" Adam quickly grabbed the phone from him. After putting it back into his coat pocket; He began disassembling his telescope and folding it back into its carrier bag.

"Uh, you wouldn't happen to know where 1414 Lockwood dr is, would you?" Nigel was hesitant to ask anymore from Adam. Needing so much help, still felt so unfamiliar to him. He didn't like this helpless feeling. He knew he once was a man of action and power, but one little knock, in the wrong part of his head had taken that all away. Now he's only curious about that powerful man, what he did and how he did it and if he could possibly get it back. Did he even want it back? Nigel could be lost in these thought for hours on end, but he was thankfully pulled back to reality, before he could spiral too deep. 

"Yes, I know 1414 Lockwood dr, location of the Lockwood grove apartment complex, first built in 1992 and currently housing a total of 246 residents. I live in 16B" Nigel's head was spinning for a whole new reason. Other then the obsolete factoids; Nigel was surprised to find that he lived two doors away from Adam. If they were neighbors, then that must mean he wasn't all that far away from home. Which is strange, cause he could swear he was walking for hours. 

"Seriously? I live in 14B. Is it alright if I could possibly accompany you on your walk home" Adam was quit for a moment, probably thinking the question over. Though he had no reason to say no, they were neighbors after all, and he knew Nigel was a harmless man from what he could tell. 

"Yes, you can walk with me" Adam by now had everything packed and ready for his trek home. He slung his telescope bag over his shoulder and tugged Nigel by the sleeve, to show him which direction he was going. Normally Nigel would chew out anyone who had the audacity to guid him like a dog, but it didn't quit irk him as much this time. Adam had been an odd character to encounter, but somehow he was a breath of fresh air, compared to the people he tended to cross paths with.  
He never made mention of his cane, he never asked how or why he was blind; he just listened and helped when he was asked. 

"Ok, darling lead the way" the word was a common term of endearment in his vocabulary, one usually reserved for his nieces and nephews, and the occasional women that catch his attention.  
Though he never would have expected it to be used for a man. Nigel was told he was bit of a player before his wife, but even then he was a stickler when it came to the cute type. 

Was Adam cute? He wondered, if he had his vision would he be just as pleased with Adams appearance, as he is with his voice and character?. Too caught up in his musings, Nigel hadn't noticed the curb up ahead. With his cane becoming jammed in a storm drain, his balance was thrown off. Nigel was about to head face first into the cement, but Adam had swooped in and caught Nigel's fall, chivalry and all.  
He was being held up just under his arm pits, his knees bent in an awkward position due to the, now noticeable height difference. He could feel the woolen sweater Adam was wearing. The softness of his hair brushing against his neck and cheek, his hair smelt like vanilla and cinnamon. Nigel wished he knew what color his eyes were. 

"Are you alright?, I'm very sorry for the uncomfortable hold I have on you, I don't like getting touched without consent either, but I panicked and grabbed you without asking" Adam slowly helped Nigel to right himself. He wiggled his cane out of the storm drain and returned it to Nigel's hand. Nigel was still shaken from the suddenness of the incident, but more so over the close proximity he and Adam had been subjected to.

"Is it ok if I hold your hand Nigel?" Nigel's heart jumped, he didn't understand why. Adam was no longer a stranger; he was an Acquaintance if anything. Why was he getting flustered, over just a bit of hand holding. Not trusting himself to speak at the moment, Nigel nodded his head and allowed Adam to take his hand and guid him the rest of the way back. 

The back of his neck and the tips of his ears heated up the moment their fingers touched. This was completely new, had Nigel been into men before? Was it the reason his marriage hadn't worked out? Nigel didn't know, he didn't know anything. No, actually he new something's. He knew he liked the way his hand felt clasped with Adams, he knew he could get used to listening to his voice, as he talked so passionately about the stars. He knew he was getting butterflies for the first time. He knew he wanted to see Adam again. That was all needed right now.


	2. First dates and the dangers of shower curtains.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam makes a bold decision and asks Nigel to join him at the park again. While Nigel is surprised and equally delighted at having a chance, to get to know Adam; he still has everyday struggles to work through, but maybe with Adam around; he won’t have to struggle alone.

Adam knew about the the man in 14B.  
He found him quiet amusing to watch. The way he stuck his cane out the door first, then confidently strode through the hallways. He admired the way he told people to 'fuck off'. He does it so easily; Adam could never do that. He had been taught to always be kind and polite. He also liked that they were similar, but at the same time completely different. They were both considered disabled, but not in the same way. They were similar but not the same. Adam enjoyed the contrast. The conundrum was fun to dissect in his head. It reminded him of stars; there are many different types of stars, such as red giants, white dwarfs, and neutron stars; To every one els their just stars, but to him the difference was obvious. He supposed he and Nigel were like the stars. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigel had made it home safely and with less incidents then he had begun with. Flexing his hand; he realized it felt a bit vacant. He missed having a  
Hand to hold. He used to have a wife. Darko had told him about her, but he doesn't remember her. He doesn't really want to; their marriage was gone. She never even made an effort to see him after the accident. He doesn't know her; he wants to know Adam. 

Nigel removes his shoes at the door and leaves them with his socks inside. He folds up his cane and rest it on counter top. He doesn't need it inside his own home. He knows this place inside and out; He spent hours walking and memorizing every turn, corner, entry and exit, since he moved in. He knows exactly where the hardwood turns into rug, and where the rug turns into tile. 

Turning the hot water on, Nigel discarded his cloths one by one, on the floor. He's just about to step into the spray ,when the doorbell rings. "Great" He mutters underneath his breath while grabbing a towel from the rack. He gives it a sniff to be sure it's clean, but the doorbell goes off again, so he just wraps it around his waist anyway. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was standing outside in front of Nigel's apartment. He hoped he wasn't bothering the man, but he felt he needed to do this now rather then later. So, he stood patiently and rung the door bell a total of three times; he liked that number. Nigel opened the door shortly after the third ring. Adam saw that this was very much a bad time; Nigel was naked; mostly naked; he had a fluffy white towel tied around his waist, but it was still all too revealing. Adam's face heated up and his throats was beginning to go dry. 

"Hello, who is this" Adam was so entranced by the tattoos littering Nigel's chest, he had forgotten what he was there for. "I'm going to close the door" Adams eyes widened, he didn't want to miss his chance. "I, I uh, I wanted to know if you would like to go to the park with me again?"  
Nigel stopped midway of closing the door. Recognizing Adams voice he suddenly felt a whole lot more modest then he had before. "Yeah, uh, i'd love to go to the park with you again."  
Adam beamed. He knew Nigel couldn't see how happy he was; he didn't really mind; He was that way too sometimes.  
“I am very happy that you said yes, I'll come by tomorrow at 5:15.”, “  
5:15 is fifteen minutes after I get off work. I work at the observatory, I-" before Adam could get any further in his tangent; he was cut off by a soft chuckle. He didn’t know what was so funny, but he was happy that Nigel was happy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You have a very charming smile” the comment flowed out of his mouth without much thought behind it. Adam didn’t think he was out of line at all; people liked to be told nice things, and he wasn’t lying about it; he never liked to lie. He spoke his mind weather it got him in trouble or not. 

Nigel on the other hand, was certainly caught off guard with the sudden compliment. Had he gotten those often before? He didn’t know; it just felt odd. The way Adam said it; it was the way he said everything; brutally honest and factual. Yeah, this guy was strange, but he really liked it. 

“Oh, thanks, you, you uh have a lov- lovely voice” The whole thing was stuttered out so awkwardly; he must not be that great at giving and receiving compliments apparently. It seemed to be enough for Adam though. 

“I can see I have interrupted your routine, I am still very happy you agreed to go out with me, but I need to go make my dinner so I will be leaving now, I’ll see you tomorrow Nigel” He heard Adams footsteps then the sound of a door opening and closing again; followed by the click and clink of the lock being turned into place. Nigel knew by now Adam was gone, but he stood in place mentally recalling the entire interaction he just had with him. 

Was it going to be a date?, was that what he meant by ‘ask out’? Why was he so flustered over one little compliment? He felt like every time Adam came around; he was left questions himself indefinitely. He needed to get back to his shower. Standing like a weirdo in the middle of his doorway, definitely wasn’t going to get him any answers. 

The next morning, Nigel wakes up feeling like shit. It happens some days. He dreams in abstract flashes that shift and deconstruct themselves in his minds eye. It’s almost like his brain is trying to remember what sight looked like and when he can almost grasp what it once was; he wakes up to a blur of nothingness. It’s such a disappointing feeling. In his dreams, he feels like he can see and remember more then he does when awake . He feels like the man he used to be.  
Then the illusion is destroyed and he’s still blind and confused, he’s still him. 

The sun light, filtering through the window strike his eyes painfully. He grabs his sunglasses, or as Darko had called them ‘his blind man gear’ -and forces himself out of bed. 

Everything In his house is set in their designated spots. His keys hang on a hook by the front door; his tooth brush is in a cup on the bathroom sink; his cane is always on the kitchen counter, and his wallet and phone are always on the coffee table. If anything gets moved, Nigel is completely thrown off. He doesn’t know what happened yesterday; he should have grabbed his phone when he grabbed his wallet, but he didn’t. 

Thinking about the day before, Nigel realizes he had a date with Adam this evening. Suddenly he feels a bit more optimistic this morning. Usually on days like this he wouldn’t have bothered to even leave his bedroom. Today was going to be different; he had real, actual plans with someone. The realization was making him almost giddy. 

Bzzzt, bzzzt, “incoming call from Darko” hearing his phone go off; Nigel goes to pick it up; easily swiping his password in and holding it up to his ear.  
“ Elo?” 

“Nigel! Glad to see you made it home alive, though I never doubted you wouldn’t get home alive, anyway, I called to let you know me and felicity are on our way back in town.” Darko was way too chipper for it to be so early in the morning. His ears were already a sensitive sense of his; Darko and felicities’s sons would often times compare him to the marvel hero Dare Devil. He really didn’t agree with his eleven and nine year old god sons, watching a show that was clearly not for children, but he didn’t get much say in the matter; his job was to be the cool uncle with apparent super hero hearing , and he was fine with that. 

“Darko, I understand that, on your date nights, you get thoroughly laid, but you need to tone down all that happy, you got going on in your voice; it’s pissing me off” he sounded more tired then angry, but Darko knows Him well enough to recognize it as being one of those days for Nigel.  
“Ok, ok, I get it, I’ll tone it down, you angry old bat; I was just checking in and letting you know I’ll be back in town by three O’clock or so” Great, Darko was going to be here when he went on his date with Adam. That wasn’t going to be an awkward conversation at all. He couldn’t bring himself to care though. No matter how much he wanted to deny it; he was really looking forward to meeting with Adam again. 

“Yeah, ok, thanks for checking in, but as you can tell I’m all fine and dandy, so don’t bother stopping by, I’ll see you tomorrow Darko” ignoring his friends inquiries as to why he was being so quick to sign off from their conversation, or why Darko shouldn’t stop by; he hung up the phone and tossed it back to its spot on the coffee table. 

He wasn’t about to let him meet Adam so early on, nor was he going to allow any meddling in what could be a future relationship; maybe even a good future relationship. From what he’s gathered on his past; he’s certain he hadn’t had a lot of those. 

 

The hours ticked by at a tortuous pace. He flipped through brail books; not really reading anything; just skimming and familiarizing himself with the raised dots. He smoked out on his balcony; he ate fruit and dry cereal from the box(he couldn’t bother with any sort of meal; he didn’t quite have the motivation to quail his nerves, while using his stove.) He played music and worked out; he took a nap, and finally his phone alerted him that it was five O’clock. 

Nigel would never admit this; not even on his death bed, but in his excitement to quickly shower and dress; he consequently crashed head first into the shower cubical; taking the shower curtain with him as the sheet of plastic wrapped around his body and yanked the rod holding it up, down atop of him. He never felt as much like a failure as did in that moment. He thrashed and turned from side to side; trying to shake the god forsaken thing off him, but the longer he sat there in his horrible predicament; the more the fight left him. He felt resigned, it was just like the day before; getting lost in the city; jamming his cane and nearly tripping over himself; had Adam not Been their with him, he would most Likely be in the hospital by now. The whole thing just screamed how incompetent he was. Why did he have to be such an invalid? Adam would never waste his time with a fuck up like him. Adam would- 

Frantic knocking shocked him out of his spiraling self pity. He figured if he stayed quiet, they would eventually go away. He couldn’t seem to pick himself up out of the bath tub; why would he want to try and open the door. “Nigel?!, it’s me Adam Raki. We had a date at the park scheduled for 5:15, but when I got home, I heated a loud noise and sounds of struggling. I’m worried something happened and I know it’s wrong to enter someone’s home without permission, but this apartment used to belong to a friend of mine and I still have a spare key she had given me, so I’m going to unlock your door and check if you’re ok, cause I’m really worried.” Of course Adam herd him, he lived only a couple doors away from him. of course he also had to be a fucking angel swooping in to save him. Of fucking course. 

Nigel laid limp and defeated as he focused on the rattle and jingle of his front door being unlocked. There wasn’t much he could do at this point; he was too low on any self respect let alone dignity, to try and save himself, from the impending embarrassment of having Adam, help free him out of his shower curtain. 

“Nigel?!, are you alright?, I’m very sorry for entering your home.” He could here Adam shuffling around; he sounded so hesitant and genuinely guilty. Once again, he found himself oddly endured to his neighbors special brand of nervous charisma. His steps were much louder as they came closer to the bathroom. He was still contently laying in his mess of a showering attempt; completely accepting his fate of utter humiliation. 

“Nigel?!, are you alright?” He felt gentle fingers prod at his neck; it took him a moment to realize, Adam was checking for a pulse. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine” he was naive to think he could brush this off so easily. It was a blatant lie. He knew how this probably looked; it probably looked like a poor old blind man who somehow got tangled in a damn shower curtain and couldn’t free himself. He looked absolutely pathetic. 

“No you’re not.” He couldn’t even lie to himself. Why would he be able to lie to Adam? “Nigel, I’m going to help you out of the tub now. I know I already let myself into your home, but I still respect your boundaries. Do I have permission to touch you while you are naked?” Such a simple and straight forward question, but his perverted mind morphed it to mean something entirely different. He knew he was blushing, he just hoped Adam didn’t pay too much attention to it. Nodding his head in affirmation; Adam then put the curtain rod to the side; he grabbed under his armpits and pulled him up. Once standing, the curtain was quickly unraveled from his body. He understood why that part came last, by the time it was all the way off. Now he stood cold and totally exposed to Adam. He didn’t think he could blush any hotter, but his face felt like a campfire now. He moved his hands to cover his genitalia as soon as the first brush of air had alerted him to his further nudeness.

“Adam” he called out; noticing it had gone quite all of a sudden. “Nigel, I’m still in the room, I’m just turned around with my hands over my eyes, I don’t want to be rude by observing you in the nude, when I only came here to help. I assure you I did not plan to look at you naked; you just happened to be naked when I came to help, I just-“ the poor guy was rambling on and on; obviously just as flustered about the situation as he was. All the inklings of doubt and all his insignificant self conscious thoughts, simply drained out of him. Once again, Adam fucking Raki amazed him. Not once in this whole ordeal did he ask how it happened, or why. Not once did he criticize him for doing something, possibly out of his abilities. No, not once did he make him feel like a poor besotted victim. Instead he was just Nigel; the clumsy idiot that tangled himself in his bloody shower curtain, and he really fucking loved that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took a while, but I hopes you liked the second chapter of Blind, Confused and Alive. I look forward to reading more comments as I continue this story.


	3. Blue hypergiants.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basicly filler, I haven’t figured out much of a plot for this story; might just end up being fluff and smut. Anyway, Nigel and Adam’s date after Adam rescues Nigel from his shower curtain of doom. They watch through the wormhole, drink wine and get a bit frisky.

BCA ch 3

Once the whole shower curtain fiasco was taken care of, in a very mature and orderly way; Nigel and Adam agreed to have their date at Adam’s place. Per Nigel’s request to not bother going outside and risk anymore bouts of clumsiness on his part. Adam was understanding and happily invited Nigel to watch reruns of ‘Through the Wormhole’ on his Netflix account. He didn’t know anything about the show, but if it meant he could still spend time with Adam, then he didn’t care in the slightest. 

“It would only be fair that I let you into my home, seeing as I already invaded yours, though I did have a reason to do so, I still know how invasive it was of me, to have let myself in without asking.” It was impossibly enduring to listen to him ramble on. How could anyone not be completely enraptured by this man, Nigel certainly was. Adam was his saving fucking grace, since the moment they met. 

There really was no escaping it at this point; Nigel was falling, this time in the metaphorical sense, but non the less he was still falling and falling damn hard. 

“Adam, darling I would be fucking delighted to enter your home” with a relieved sigh; Adam grabbed his hand and led Nigel a couple doors down. He tapped his cane and counted the steps the whole way, just to be sure in case this became a frequent thing between them; he fucking hoped so. 

The night went on. Adam made Mac and cheese “I always eat this, I’m not good at trying new things, some people think it’s weird”

Nigel didn’t have a single problem with it, there were worse things out there to eat everyday. After he was first released from the hospital, he himself had eaten the same potato mush and corn for nearly a month straight. He wasn’t one to judge and he’d never judge Adam. It turned out though, that Adam was striving for a bit more variety every now and then. “I don’t enjoy beer all that much, but I can understand the appeal of alcohol and it’s overall benefits” More simply said; Adam enjoyed a glass of wine every now and then, especially after a particularly rough day at work.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Now sat comfortably on the sofa with Morgan freeman narrating the importance of string theory and other science jargon, along with a glass of wine for the both of them; it was oddly turning out to be a good first?,second? Date. 

They had talked a bit throughout the night; getting to know each other a little better. Nothing overly personal was shared, only the basics were touched on. Like, how old are you? To which Adam had said he was thirty three, and Nigel estimated himself to at least forty four to forty five. 

Adam shared about his job at the observatory, then got off on a tangent about recent discoveries and technological advancement regarding space and space travel, and well from there, things sort of escalated. Once Adam was two and a half glasses in on ‘properties of antigravity propulsion’, they were suddenly kissing. He didn’t remember exactly how they got to this point, but either way he was totally ok with this. He was so ok with this. 

Adam had steadily slotted himself against Nigel; chest to chest with his hips between the cradle of Nigel’s legs. He could feel the tantalizing rub and grind of Adam’s crotch against his own, as they kissed open mouthed and enthusiastically. 

From where his hands roamed, he could tell Adam was a slighter man, but not by much. His hips were slim enough to fit between his own and his shoulders were broad but not athletically so, just enough to tell that, yes, indeed, Adam was a full fledged adult man. 

With this, Nigel could now estimate he was a whole head or two taller then Adam. He was just about to explore a bit lower, but Adam had suddenly moved out of his grasp.

“ I might be slightly intoxicated, but are you feeling sexually aroused right now?” 

Oh. 

Now Nigel feels like a creep. 

Had he been a lesser man. He would has said yes. Yes, he was horribly and painfully aroused right now. Would have said he and Adam shouldn’t even be talking about it and be in bed, or on the couch; the floor ;the kitchen; it didn’t matter. 

In the end, even as the blind, confused old man that he was; he still had an ounce of decency and knew ‘slightly intoxicated’ wasn’t going to equal enthusiastic consent for him. 

“Adam, I think its time to call it a night, darling. I had a wonderful fucking time with you and I’m hoping we can do it again soon” He half expected Adam to agree and see him out, but it seemed ‘slightly intoxicated’ Adam, was rather stubborn. 

“But, I’m sexually aroused and I would like to have sex with you.”

why must he be tested this way? What cruel god had he angered to deserve this? 

“Adam, as much as I would fucking love to have sex with you, we can’t.”

It hurt him, he was physically hurting to say these things. 

“Why not?” If he could see, Nigel was certain he would find Adam sporting a pout to go with the one he heard in his voice. 

“Darling, can you count backwards from ten for me?” He knew Adam would find it a weird question, but the man was up to the challenge anyhow. 

“10, 9, 6, 8, 4, I cant remember the next letter” God, He was absolutely enduring even drunk. 

“That’s why darling. Now let’s get you to bed” 

From there, it was ten minutes of stumbling through the flat with Adam trying to steer the two of them, as best as his slowly sobering brain could. Nigel on his part, was just happy he didn’t drink as much and could handle the few bumps and turns towards Adams bedroom. 

He figured the apartment was set up much like his own, and it was, maybe a few rooms were switched around, but it wasn’t as big of feat to orient himself, as he first thought. Finally Adam had exclaimed that they were in the correct room. “Why is it so hot, Nigel?” 

It really wasn’t, but he was guessing their trek down the hall had worked up a sweat in the adorable little drunkard. 

“I’m going to get naked now.” 

there was a rustling of clothing and maybe what might have been an attempt at folding said clothing, then Adam was grabbing his hand. 

“You can sleep in my bed. I don’t like new people in my space, but you’re like a, a blue hyper-giant; that means your surface temperature is 36,000-40,000 Kelvin, that’s, that’s-“ It was, yet another tempting proposition but, Nigel just couldn’t let himself indulge, not after he got this far already. 

“Darling, I’m going to tuck you in, like the fucking gentlemen I am, then I’m going to kiss your head goodnight, and walk my happy, blind ass home” By the end of his narration; Adam was already nestled underneath his moon and rocket ship comforter; slowly nodding off and mumbling incoherently about Blue Hyper-giants and the like. 

He bent down to kiss Adam’s head , just as he said he would; only missing the mark by a couple inches and connecting with Adam’s lips. He hadn’t meant to do so, but non the less, the kiss was lazily returned as Adam hummed tunelessly into it, before finally checking out for the night. 

“Goodnight Adam” Once He was certain of Adam’s comfort; Nigel made his way out of the apartment and walked his happy, blind ass home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nigel’s no dog; he’ll tuck your drunk ass in and kiss you goodnight. Remember kids, it’s not consent unless their sober.


	4. Tasers don’t go well with Mac and cheese.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nigel and Adam go on their first dinner date, things are going great, until they take a turn for the worst.

How do you handle him? 

 

Three weeks, him and Adam have been together, and it was everything he thought it would be. Nights stargazing in the park; lazy afternoons cuddled on the couch, and his favorite; early mornings spent fooling around before Adam had to start his morning routine. He was still surprised at how easy these aspects of their relationship had fallen into place. Both the romantic and sexual sides of it felt so natural to them, like he and Adam had been doing it for years and not the couple of weeks, it really had been. 

He was also glad he hadn’t given in that first night. With the wine and overwhelming sexual tension; Nigel has prided himself with his show of self restraint. Had he actually gone through with Adams drunken request, well he might not have what he’s got right now. 

-Three weeks earlier- 

“Good morning Nigel” Adam was standing outside his door, once again. From what he could tell, Adam defiantly sounded like he was nursing a pretty gnarly hangover. Good thing he was well versed in these sort of things, he didn’t remember much of his old life, but he defiantly new he was a piece of shit drunkard, if his liver X-rays were anything to go by.

“Morning Adam, would you like to come inside? I could get you a glass of orange juice, maybe cook up some eggs and toast?” He was being hospitable; he hadn’t expected Adam to start gagging, Jumping into gear, Nigel gently led Him into his apartment and sat him down on the couch. 

“Maybe foods not the best idea at the moment, sit there and I’ll grab a- shit do I have a puke bucket?” He was about to raid his bathroom, but Adam had called him back into the living room. 

“Nigel, I’m not going to puke, I just don’t like eggs, their disgusting and have an unpleasant texture. I do admit I’m a bit nauseous, but that’s only because of the amount I drank last night, which is why I’m here to speak to you” Sitting down beside Adam on the couch; Nigel felt a niggling of worry creep up his spine and settle itself, inside his Psyche. 

Was Adam upset with him?   
Had he crossed a line, even though he did what he thought was the right thing at the time?   
Was Adam going to stop seeing him? He was spiraling and he knew it. He knew his thoughts were unrealistic. He knew he did the right thing and what Adam decided was purely him and not caused by his actions; he had done nothing wrong, but still, he was scared, scared that he would fuck it all up and someone would jump out of the shadows and fire a gun at his head; that maybe they would finish the job this time around. 

“Nigel, can you hear me? Nigel I would like you take a deep breath for me, please.” He didn’t realize he was hyperventilating, nor did he realize he was now in Adam’s lap and gripping his hand for dear life. 

“Nigel, you are panicking, that’s alright though cause sometimes I panic too. Now please take another deep breath and let it out, slowly.” Nodding his head; Nigel sucked in a gulp of air, then released it through his mouth in a long shuddering breath. He repeated the process three more times, Adam’s voice, a soft yet firm tone, couching him through it the whole way.   
Soon, he had his bearings back and could breath much easier; he stayed in Adam’s lap though. It was comfortable and he enjoyed the feeling of their hands clasped together; thumbs ideally rubbing circles against each other’s skin. It made him feel grounded to a reality, he couldn’t even see. 

“Nigel, I’m not certain what had caused you to become so distressed and I don’t expect you to tell me, if you don’t wish to, but I did come by for a reason and I don’t plan to leave until I have fulfilled that reason.” His voice still stayed soft, just nearly above a whisper but it still had that firmness, the one that made his words facts instead of suggestions. 

“Alright darling, I’m thinking more clearly now, tell me what you need to say.” He was beginning to feel drowsy after the exertion his panic attack had put on him, but he was determined to participate in the conversation at hand. 

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. I never intended to drink as much as I did, and ended up ruining our date with my outlandish behavior. I don’t usually abuse alcohol like that, one glass is-“ Stopping him right there; Nigel was not about to let Adam feel guilty for a couple glasses of wine. 

“Adam, Adam, darling listen. You did not, in any way, ruin our date, I had a fucking terrific night and very much enjoyed our time spent on the couch, but I wasn’t comfortable with letting things get any further with you being under the influence like you were, but if it eases your mind any; I accept your apology.”   
————————-

After that, Adam had expressed his gratitude for being respected and put to bed rather then taken advantage of.   
“ I enjoy your company very much, and I’m attracted to you both sexually and romantically, but I don’t believe I’m ready for much more then what we have already done.”   
Nigel was completely ok with that, who was he to rush things? Even now, three weeks later; they still hadn’t gotten past heavy petting, and making out on the couch like a couple of high schoolers. Things were good though, more then good; Nigel couldn’t believe his luck. The starry eyed man, from down the hall was peculiar; he’d gathered that much from the very beginning, but he was everything Nigel never knew he needed.

For instance, Adam loved structure; he had routines and lists and timers for nearly everything in his day. Odd as it was, it kept him happy and Nigel liked it when Adam was happy. By the end of the first week Adam had explained his Asperger’s syndrome; having felt comfortable enough to share that part of himself with Nigel, whom took it all in stride.   
It didn’t change Adam from the person he had first met. It only shed more light on who he was, and Nigel embraced feeling that much closer to him. 

Which now brings us full circle to the present. Three weeks in with Adam, three glorious and relaxing, and romantic, and sexy weeks with Adam; he had actually convinced him to eat out for once. After bringing home a take out box of Mac and cheese from a close by restaurant he had stumbled upon; He presented his offering and Adam had (after a bit of calm coaxing) tested the taste and texture of the dish and deemed it to be of his likening. He finished off the whole bowl and shyly admitted it to be   
“better then I had expected”   
Nigel just grinned from ear to ear, knowing he was going to be taking Adam out on a dinner date soon. 

“Darling, were only going into town, how much do you need to pack?” That was the plan, into town for dinner, then out to the park to observe the starts with Adams portable telescope. That was the compromise they had agreed on. If Adam was going to do something new, then he had to end the night with something familiar. The park and stargazing being the most frequent of their date night activities. 

“Nigel, we’re going to an entirely new place, anything could happen and I can’t promise that I won’t be overwhelmed by the lights and noise, or the crowd. I need to pack for all possible situations.” With that being said, Adam continued on with his preparations. Nigel almost wanted to call the whole thing off and suggest just staying home, but Adam had been adamant to succeed at this; Nigel couldn’t bring himself to discourage him from his goal. 

“So, what exactly are you packing darling?” If you can’t beat em, join em.   
He didn’t care if Adam packed half the apartment into his bag; if it made him comfortable then Nigel had no reason to complain. 

“I packed my noise cancelling headphones Incase it’s too loud at the restaurant; Iv also packed an assortment of stim toys Harlen had given me last Christmas. I also decided to bring a miniatures taser I bought offline, In case we get mugged on our way home.”   
He understood the first few things Adam had listed off, but the taser? He really hoped the taser wasn’t a common accessory of Adam’s. 

“Darling, I don’t think we would get mugged, the restaurant and park aren’t that far away from us, and we live in a good part of town, I think” Honestly, he wasn’t sure, he never had any sort of incident to tell him otherwise. Then again, he was certain his appearance had him blending in with the more sketchy crowd, if there was any to speak of. 

“Anyway angle, id protect you if anyone tried to fucking mug us” He would, he’d raise hell on any poor fool who tried anything shady against his spaceman. 

“Then who would protect you, Nigel?” Well, he had a point. Not looking to start too much of a discussion; Nigel decided to leave it at that. 

Getting to the restaurant was a quick ten minute taxi ride. The place, as Adam had read the large sign aloud, was called   
“Pap Pap’s Pasta buffet.”   
Made sense, considering the variety of pasta dishes they had, when he first walked into the establishment, a couple days before. 

His hand in Adam’s; he could already feel the tapping begin.   
It was one of his more prominent stims. He’d tap the closest solid surface in a count of four. This time he was tapping against the top of Nigel’s palm. It was almost as calming to him as it must have been to Adam. 

“Let’s go inside darling.” 

They sat in a booth further to the back of the restaurant. Luckily it wasn’t overly busy. From what Nigel could hear, only a quarter of the tables must have been filled. He presumed they get most of their traffic during the lunch rush.   
Adam ordered the same Mac and cheese he had a couple nights ago, while Nigel had ordered a pesto and chicken pasta. It went rather smooth from there on.   
They ate their food, Adam stimmed and happily talked about the astronomy book he read last night. Nigel happily listened and couldn’t possibly imagine anything ruining this wonderful evening,   
but alas, any challenge to the universe, is a challenge well accepted. 

Across from them, a couple had been sat down. The man was particularly noisy as he talked loudly to his wife, making crude, and truly awful jokes. For the most part he could deal with it, and Adam wasn’t paying too much mind either, but then he had the audacity to make a blatant comment about the two of them. 

“Oh, Martha. I think that’s one of those special men, from the handicap house a couple blocks away; that poor caretaker, having such a demanding job. I could never do something like that, I mean, how in the world does he handle him?” 

 

Just his luck; Nigel wasn’t wearing his sunglasses since it was a dim overcast day, and he had since folded his cane up, when he sat down. Nigel must look rather ‘normal’ if anyone didn’t care to notice his unfocused eyes and folded, bloody, fucking cane, right next to him. Of course, the one time he gets mistaken for an abled person, it just so happens to be at the expense of Adam. 

“How do I deal with him?! How fucking dare you! I DON’T DEAL with him, I fucking ENJOY him, cause he’s my BOYFRIEND you dumb fuck!! And you’re disturbing our date!”   
Nigel never knew his voice could get that deep. He was starting to feel lightheaded, from the amount of blistering rage he had bubbling beneath his skin. He couldn’t hear anything past the sound of his own rushing blood, and wasn’t too sure how much time had past since his outburst, but then Adam was handing him his cane and ushering him towards the door. Soon enough, they were back on the side walk, as the cool January air brought him back to the here and now. 

“Nigel, that man urinated himself.”   
For some reason, he wasn’t at all surprised to hear that; wasn’t he suppose to be though? 

“I payed the bill, and the owner had apologized for the trouble that customer had caused.” Once again, Adam had handled the situation like the put together adult, that he has time and time again, proved himself to be. He supposes it could have been worse, even so, he still didn’t like the idiotic shit, that guy had said about his angel. 

“Darling, It was my turn to pay tonight, why didn’t you fucking remind me?” The air was steadily growing colder as they walked down the side walk, hand in hand. The sun must have been going down. 

“I tried, but you seemed a bit distracted and the smell of urine was bothering me. so I went ahead and payed, so we could leave as soon as possible.” Sounded like Adam’s logic. He was already coming down from the adrenaline rush his earlier anger had caused him. Adam was the only person he knew, that could so easily deflate the angry red monster, that lived inside his chest. 

“Alright angle, but I’m definitely paying the next time we go out. I, I didn’t scare you too bad back there, right?, cause I know, I can be scary, and I’d never intentionally scare you, that guy just, he pissed me off.” Adam rested his head against his shoulder as they walked in silence for a moment. 

“No, you didn’t scare me, you surprised me, but I’m not scared of you, I could easily disarm and immobilize you if I ever did feel threatened.” Oh, that was cute.

“Really now?” He didn’t want to make fun of him, but he couldn’t help chuckling at the thought of Adam, small, sweet docile Adam, claiming to disarm and immobilize anyone at all. 

“Yes I could Nigel, I took self defense classes when I was thirteen ; my dad said I needed them if I was going to go to a public high school.” Smart man, but that didn’t change much. Thirteen years old? He couldn’t possibly remember all those lessons from why back then. 

“Alright Darling, I believe you.” He didn’t, but Adam was adorable, so he was going to let him think what he wanted. 

“Nigel, I know we agreed to go to the park, but that man in the restaurant made me feel sad, and I just want to go home and kiss you in bed.” Most of his previous anger had diminished, but it was easily brought back. He still couldn’t believe the nerve of some people, to just say what they wanted and expect no consequences. Sure he had dealt with his fair share of ableist slurs and the like. It was different though when it came to someone he cared about, especially Adam. If he ever ran into that guy again, he would knock him flat and then some. 

“I’m sorry you’re feeling bad sweetheart, we can go home if that’s what you want, but don’t let that asshole get you too down. He was fucking stupid and you know damn well I don’t think those things about you.” He squeezed his hand in reassurance; he hoped he was getting the message across. 

“I know Nigel, I’m used to people making similar comments about me, but they still make me sad when I hear them, and I didn’t like that he said it in front of you, I felt a bit embarrassed that he did.”   
That just won’t do, Nigel couldn’t have this going through his spaceman’s head. Stopping and pulling Adam into a bone crushing hug; he let him know, that there was nothing about him he didn’t absolutely love and that he had nothing to feel embarrassed about. 

“Thank you Nigel, I-“ He was suddenly cut off, cause the universe was really in one of those fuck you moods tonight. They were, coincidentally, stopped in front of an alleyway, when a pair of hands grabbed Adam by his coat and dragged him in. Nigel was quick to follow, being pulled along, by Adams iron grip on his arm. 

“Don’t fucking move!! I have a fucking knife and I’ll chop you to mother fucking pieces if you don’t give me your wallets!!”  
The mugger had them pressed against the stone wall of the ally. Nigel stood in front of Adam; shielding him the best he could. He was about to bring his cane down on the fuckers head, when he heard the tell tale click and buzz of the taser Adam had packed. Then In a blur of movement, Adam shot out from behind him. Nigel’s blood ran cold as he heard cloths rustle and legs kick out, he heard skin connect with skin as punches were thrown, and the worst part was, he didn’t know who was who. It felt like an eternity to Nigel, but It was over sooner then it even begun. 

 

“GAH! Son of a bitch!” He heard the mugger crumple to the floor and Adam heaving through panicked sobs. Fuck! He was suppose to be the one protecting him! It didn’t matter, his space man was fucking traumatized and he needed to be sure he was okay. 

“Adam, darling are you alright?” The taser went off again and the pained cry of the mugger crescendoed through out the alleyway. Then again, and again; Adam was fucking trigger happy with it. The mugger had clearly passed out by now and Adam was still a sobbing mess with an active weapon in his hands. 

Following his ears, Nigel approached the distressed man, and gently eased the taser from his hands. He wasn’t sure what to do at this point. Did he notify the police, or get the hell out of there? He didn’t have too many options, but he did have a third, so he went with that.   
“Siri, call Darko.” 

 

“Calling, Darko.”


	5. Fire, forgiveness and some steam.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darko saves the day with his Dad car, while Nigel is conflicted with Adams decision to fight an armed mugger. Character developments will be made.

“What do you mean, he nearly tased the guy to death?” Darko was thankfully in town, and on his way to get both of them, He was glad his friend was dependable, but he could do without the intense interrogation on every detail of the situation at hand. 

“I mean, Darko, that the bloody fucker is passed the hell out. yes, he has a pulse.” That must of been the answer Darko was looking for, cause he quickly signed off with a curt ‘see you in ten’ and hung up. 

“Darko’s coming to get us?” Adam sounded absolutely exhausted. This was suppose to be a relaxing and lovely evening, but had gone to shit in every way possible.   
Maybe He was just cursed. Maybe his ancestors pissed off some kind of witch or maybe he was simply making up for old sins, he couldn’t even remember. He didn’t know past Nigel, but he was damn sure, it was all his fault that he couldn’t have nice things. 

“Yeah, angle, he’s coming to get us and help clean this mess up.” He ran his fingers lightly over Adams face, trying to gauge the severity of his wounds. He felt a lump just over his cheek bone and a split in his lower lip; he was certain there were a number of bruises littering his angles face and even further down his body. The fight didn’t last all that long, but it sounded intense. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like the idea of Adam running head first into a dangerous situation and getting hurt because of it. 

“He really got you good sweetheart, but you got him worse, you did good Adam, but I don’t want you to do that again; please don’t scare me like that ever again” He was on the verge of tears, he held them in as best he could, but he was terrified. He thought nothing could scare him more then another fucking gun pointed at his head, but today he learned other wise. Had Adam actually gotten seriously hurt, or heaven forbid, killed, well Nigel would take as many fucking bullets to his head, in Oder to keep that from happening. There in that moment, with Adam curled into him and tapping out his four count beat; Nigel decided that he would do better, be stronger, he would protect Adam no matter the cost.   
The revelation in itself was alarming, even though he knew nothing about his past; besides the bits and pieces Darko allowed him, every now and again. It was oddly familiar, like a feeling he’d experienced once before, it was something he knew well, that much he could tell. It was definitely something to discuss with Darko. 

Speaking of the cryptic asshole; Darko pulled up in his 2016 Mazda3, or as his nephews liked to call it, the Dad-mobile, seeing as the car was almost as well kept as Darko himself. Felicity always joked about it being Darko’s third child. Nigel for one, thought his friend’s obsession with a car; one he couldn’t even see at that; was frivolous, but in that moment he had never been more great-full to hear it. 

———————————————————  
“La Naiba, how did you two get yourselves into this one?” Darko strutted into the alleyway and took in the sight, of two clearly, emotionally exhausted men. Just a couple feet way from them, was the sprawled body of the idiot that tried to mug them. The fucker was clutching a switch blade in one hand and a half drunken bottle of jack in the other. Heaving a sigh, he thanked his lucky stars that things didn’t get too out of hand.   
He knew something like this was bound to happen, he was just glad that it was some New York street slummer, then anyone from their old life in Bucharest.   
Still, he knew better then to stay so naive; someone at some point, was going to come barreling back and fucking him and Nigel ten ways to Sunday. It always ended up that way; no matter how hard you tired to get away, the past always catches up with you. Maybe now, he could better prepare Nigel for when that time comes. 

“Darko, are the police going to question me?”  
Looking down to were Adam was still nestled in Nigel’s lap. Honestly, he never thought in a million years Adam would ever happen, but he did, and Nigel was actually happy. He never knew it, but Nigel could smile; not that fake sardonic thing, old Nigel had carved into himself.   
No, this was an honest to god smile, he even laughs now. It was surprising and heart warming, and a bit creepy all at the same time. 

Darko didn’t understand the guy, but he didn’t hate him, he respected and accepted him. He brought about some major improvements in Nigel. The old bastard was still stick in the mud at times, but Adam seemed to have made his mud puddle less, well muddy. That in itself was something he wouldn’t over look; No matter the guys deficits. 

He was glad to see them in good shape. Though Adam might have a couple minor injuries here and there, and he was certain Nigel was going to obsess over those, like the crazy mother hen he was.   
Somethings never change, head trauma or not, Nigel wasn’t all that far off from who he once was. Maybe a little more insecure and open about his needs, but he was still the same guy Darko grew up with, if anything, he was closer to who he was before the drug scene had swallowed them up and spat them out, as completely different people. 

“Adam, I don’t think we need to call the fucking police.” Nigel was gently and languid as ever, as he and Adam simultaneously helped each other to stand. He’s seen that sort of thing with them before, but it still amused him every time. The blind couldn’t lead the blind, but there was just something seemingly ironic about those two. 

“Darko, is it really okay to just leave him like this? He’s not dead, but I assaulted him, I think I should turn myself in; that’s what my father would have told me to do.” He was a weird guy, but he could agree with Nigel, the bugger was outright adorable sometimes. Oh, what it must be like to still have that sort of innocence. 

“No, no darling. Believe me, this was self defense, any police officer could conclude that. You did nothing wrong here, you saved me and you saved yourself, you’re my little guardian angle.” Darko almost got motion sickness with the way he rolled his eyes; Nigel was getting sentimental, which meant it was time to get these two home, before they both started to cry. 

“Come on you guys, it’s time to get out of here.” He left it at that. He knew Adam would want to do what he believed to be the right thing, but he also knew that Adam would need to get back to his routines and what not.   
Nigel had explained to him about Adams Aspergers, just before their first meeting. Of course he knew about that sort of thing, his oldest son was recently diagnosed with ADHD, so he got the whole lecture about children on the spectrum and that his son was just barley off the cusp and as high function as he they got. So by the time he and Adam were introduced, he had immediately recognized some of those ‘symptoms’ listed off in the mounds of pamphlets, his wife had brought home.   
As predicted, Adam took a quick glance to his phone, then grabbed Nigel’s hand and made a brisk walk to his car(third child) and made their way home. He didn’t bring it up, but he notes Nigel’s prolonged silence the whole way back. He knew it, Nigel was going to obsess.   
———————————————————

He had just gotten into the shower when Adam walked in. He was admittedly, a bit peeved at the nights events. So fucking much, had happened, then Adam went and threw himself head fucking first into such a dangerous situation. He knew he was a bit quit and distant, but he couldn’t help it. His head was in a fucking whirlwind of wanting to hold Adam and never let him go, and being angry at his blatant disregard to his own safety. He wanted him to go away and give home time to think, but he also liked knowing he was still there and not fucking stabbed to death in an ally. 

“I know your angry at me, you’ve been quiet and haven’t called me angel or space man, since we got back.” His voice was always a sort of monotone, never with any significant inflection, but even now; Nigel could hear every hitch and break, every drop and rise in pitch. Adam was sad, and most likely beating himself up, for having caused Nigel to be so frustrated in the first place. It was amazing how he already knew all these things, just from the sound of his voice.   
He liked to think it was more then just his sense of hearing, that let him recognize these sort of changes in Adam’s emotions. Almost like they were soul mates. Like a fucking fairy tale; he liked that idea, but he just wished it was him sweeping Adam off his feet and saving the day, not the other way around. 

This was all just so twisted up in His head. He knew he was a fucking mess, but he also knew he wasn’t the only one. He had experienced so much tonight, but so had Adam. Being petty and wallowing in his hurt wasn’t going to change a damn thing about the nights events. It was something he was starting to learn while being with Adam.   
In Adam’s words, it just wasn’t logical for an external problem to go just go away, with internal turmoil. 

Taking a deep breath, Nigel decided that there was no better time then now, to work through this, no matter how much he wanted to prolong it and continue feeling justified for his anger.   
“Darling, I don’t mean to be overly emotional about this, but like I said before; you scared me today. You scared me very fucking badly.”   
He didn’t know if he was even facing in Adam’s direction, but he kept on, confident that his angle would at least listen.   
“I just, fuck. I can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt anymore then you already have today, it, I don’t know what I’d do if you- if....” He couldn’t say anymore, he didn’t want to say anymore. 

It was silent throughout the bathroom, then the door creaked and clicked shut. He assumed Adam was disappointed in him and just left. Maybe tonight was going to be their last date, after all. He knew the spiral was starting already, could feel the downward slide, tipping itself into the twisting depths of his mind. He couldn’t take much more tonight, he felt his chest constrict and a dull throb at the back of his head. He was spinning and falling and crashing; He could feel it all coming down on him. 

Then-

“Nigel, I’m sorry I scared you.” The shower door slid open, then closed. A pair of familiar arms wrapped themselves around his stomach. Adam was pressed against his back; naked skin against naked skin.  
It was so much more intense then what they usual did.   
They had never taken a shower together before; their schedules just didn’t match up enough to have made the time to do so, but now it was something Nigel could defiantly luxuriate in. Instantly, every muscle in his body, relaxed. His chest loosened and his lungs expanded; his head cleared till it was nearly blank.   
Adam was rubbing his hands in an obscene way over his torso. It was probably meant to be relaxing and calming, but Nigel was not surprised at the way his body was reacting. 

“D,Darling? You’re going to either go a little lower or re-remove your hands so we can continue our con-conversation.” Adam’s breath fanned over his shoulder and up to his ear. His knees nearly buckled as he felt every sensation almost twice as much intensely then a normal man would. His hearing and smell were the stronger two of his senses, but his sense of touch was a close third, next to his sense of tase. Besides that point, Adam’s hands were delicate and dexterous; Nigel loved, fucking loved Adam’s hands. 

“Nigel, are you still mad at me.” God, were they still discussing that? Nigel couldn’t remember what they were doing before this very moment. Oh yeah, he was mad, Adam almost got killed, but he didn’t. Adam had kicked that guys ass, and now Adam stopped moving his hands. Fuck, what’s the point of staying angry. 

“No, no darling, I’m no longer angry. I can’t be angry anymore, you protected yourself and you protected me. I don’t like you getting hurt, but things would have been a lot worse if you hadn’t of fought back.” 

It was true; Adam was here and he was safe. Nigel hadn’t gotten a scratch on him because of Adam; He was always there to protect him, and Nigel just needed to catch up and return the favor. 

That was when something just clicked inside of him. Like a fire was suddenly ignited in the pit of his stomach; a steel resolve that couldn’t be shaken. It was just like what he felt back in the ally, but so much more cemented this time. It was a small flame back then, but now, it was a fucking house fire.   
It was time Nigel got off his ass and got back into the swing of things. Blindness and a bit of amnesia weren’t going to stop him from being the man Adam deserved. 

“Nigel, if I touched your penis, will you touch mine?” From there, the bathroom was over run in a mass steam making the occupants of said bathroom, nearly invisible in the shower stall they were stood in, but they were there and to the horror of the lovely elderly couple a floor below, they weren’t silent either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter didn’t quite go as I first planned it, but I decided Nigel needed a bit more character development. I’m hoping I can guid this story in the way I’m invisioning it and find an impressionable conclusion for the last chapter. Thanks for reading, I love to hear your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. I love comments and constructive criticism.


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